chlorophylliac | 22 || Text + Voice + Spam

[Private to Vesper; text]

I need to apologize for what I did to you in March.

I'm not asking for your forgiveness, and I don't expect it; I just want you to know that I'm sorry for what I did. I know it's long overdue. After what I was put through in Zero I was far too hasty in putting that week behind me.

[Friends Filter; voice]

[Ivy's definition of 'friend' for this purpose is '2+ civil conversations while not under mind control'.]

I doubt I'm the only person who needed a while to recover from the port; still, I'm sorry if I worried anyone. If it hasn't already been made obvious, I'd like to hear that you made it back safely.

[Open Spam - Greenhouse & Garden]

[Of course she ends up back out here eventually. The rain's tailed off; seasonality is muted here but nonetheless the light falling onto the deck is a little brighter, a little warmer, and it's brought a fresh flush of growth to the greenhouse and rows of planters just outside. Ivy's mostly busy with making sure that the (her) plants have the space and support they need: repotting seedlings, staking out climbers, and moving the more delicate plants outside now it's warm enough to sustain them.

She seems - calm, all things considered, moving fluidly and talking to the plants in indistinguishable murmurs.]

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

...Loki.

[There is a tiny hint of 'oh good God why' in her tone.]

Yes. [She doesn't sound quite defensive, but she's inching that way.] He's kinder than he seems.

[He's. What.

Okay, so, clearly there's a need to have 'Loki is a slimy manipulative sociopath' talk in person so you can't just hang up on her.]

Where are you?

[What vile, vile lies. She does not look entirely certain she wants to say.]

My rooms.

[Knock knock, you knew this was coming, open the door Morgana.]

[She is 1000% certain she doesn't want to have this conversation. But she opens the door and steps aside so Ivy can enter. There's a fire going, but it's still fairly dark and a little bleak inside.]

Thank you.

[She knows Morgana doesn't want to hear this any more than Ivy wants to say it, but sometimes life is difficult.

And once the door's closed, she's not going to waste any time.]

Are you in love with him?

[The one time she would have been fine with some small talk, nope okay diving in then. It catches her a little off guard, and she lifts her shoulders almost helplessly.]

I don't - I don't know. I like him. [But love is a a slightly frightening realm of what do all its own.]

Of course you do.

[Ivy keeps her voice level, not sarcastic, not judgemental; she's not going to have what she says dismissed out of hand because of how she says it.]

After all, how could he not sympathize with you? Dethroned royalty, unfairly outshone, pushed to the margins of your kingdoms. Kindred spirits are so hard to come by, but there you were, someone who would know his troubles without having to be told. And for the gift of your understanding it has to be the least he can do to be someone you can trust, someone you can turn to. And where other people might question your decisions or doubt your motives, he will always be the one to reassure you. He'll agree with you, flatter you, cheer you on no matter what.

[She tilts her head.]

How am I doing?

You forgot imprisonment. [She's inching closer and closer to defensiveness, standing tense.]

He's been a good friend, like you have. Make your point.

That is my point. He's not being a good friend to you, Morgana, he's being a perfect friend, and those don't exist. Eventually - if you haven't started already - you're going to abandon everyone who's ever shown you kindness because they don't match up to him, because they aren't as patient or agreeable or kind as he is, and then he'll be all you have left.

You'll tell yourself it's love. You'll tell yourself you don't need anybody else. And then you'll find out that his 'love' has a cost, and you'll pay it, and when he's finished with you he'll dispose of you.

[It's hard to listen to, and because it's Ivy she does it without shaking her head at all, with shoulders tense and tight.]

He's not perfect, and he hasn't lied to me - is it really so impossible that he could have suffered a similar fate as mine? He knows what it's like to be abandoned and betrayed - to-- [She does shake her head, now.]

I haven't pushed you away, have I? [She knows she's pushed others back, she knows she's kept some distance from Alex, put distance between herself and Charles, and she tells herself that's different, that they can be kind, but they won't understand why she won't be.]

Not yet.

[She folds her arms loosely.]

I'm not saying he has no reason to empathize with you, Morgana. I'm saying he's not capable of it. You've seen the way he speaks to his Warden, what he calls her, how he threatens her - and trust me, there's no love lost between me and her clan. Do you think any man who utterly dehumanizes one woman that way could turn around and feel genuine affection for another?

She's his warden.. [And she tries to push away whatever uncertainties she has because of Cassandra's friendship; it just confuses things.] You hate yours. I fought with Mozenrath. We don't hate every man on this ship because of it!

No. But we've never thrown around phrases like 'wretched swive-stain', either.

[Also, Banner and Mozenrath are both utter wastes of skin whereas Cassandra's greatest crime appears to be not putting up with Loki's bullshit.]

Morgana, he is manipulating you. He wants you isolated and dependent so he can use you.

[She shakes her head again, maybe a little more vehement than necessary.]

But I'm not isolated! [Not much more now than she has been, anyway. And that could even mostly be blamed on her own actions.] If anything, he's dependent on me.

For what?

He doesn't have his magic. [She makes a futile gesture.] And Cassandra isn't like to return it.

So it's just as I've said. He'll need you for as long as you're useful to him.

[She turns away, then, goes to stand in front of the fire with her hands clasped tightly in front of her.]

But you're my friend. You're only concerned for my well being. [And she's reminded abruptly of Agravaine and Helios, of Agravaine's jealousy and Helios' confidence.]

[It goes through her like a jolt of electrical current -

I'm your friend, Harley!

Are you? What do you get out of our friendship? Tell me, Ivy. What do you get? Someone to rely on you? Someone who depends on you? Do you like that?

- and her hands tighten imperceptibly around her arms.

Or is it something deeper?]

Do yourself a favor, Morgana. Tell him you had a fight with your Warden and lost your magic. Never to be returned until the day you graduate. See how much kinder than he seems he is toward you then.

[It's unfair. She laughs without turning around, eyes wide and focused on the fire. She told Jean that love was a waste, that it didn't always make you stronger and that there were more important things. Ironic that when she begins to think that maybe Jean was right, Morgana sees she'd known the truth of it all along.

Love is a waste. It earns you enemies and weaknesses, and not nearly enough strength. Wrapping her arms around herself, she turns to look at Ivy. Her eyes are still wide, still angry and maybe hurt, but she's hiding it as best she can.]

I'll keep what you've said in mind. [And apply it to everyone.]

No, you won't.

[There's anger in her voice, and no small measure of disgust, but - something else, as well. Not pity, more like...despair.

And then she's gone.]

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